


I Think It's You

by fopsyche94



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-24 07:44:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6146467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fopsyche94/pseuds/fopsyche94
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He never thought that the person he’s searching for is beside him all along.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Think It's You

It’s really weird, how Zitao have never realized that his best friend is a walking beauty.

 

Striding down the aisle, clad in pristine white suit, the blonde’s entire existence is radiant.

 

Zitao’s heart doing somersault at the sight of that beaming smile.

 

His stomach flutters and, _wow_ , does this church even have air conditioners? The temperature is unbearably hot around him.

 

Just today Zitao realizes that he always feels that way about Sehun.

 

Only, today is Sehun’s wedding day.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

“I love you,” Zitao states, breathing heavily.

 

“Of course you do,” Sehun scoffs but seemingly out of breath as well. “I’m the best thing that ever and will ever happen in your miserable life.”

 

“I even love your sassy mouth,” Zitao groans as he gives one last push. “Somehow.”

 

The heavy mahogany cupboard is finally settled on its respectable place. The two best friends slump onto the ground, content that their two-hour worth of effort goes successful. It is, luckily, the last furniture they have to set.

 

“Thank you.” Zitao pats the younger’s head.

 

“I hate you,” Sehun replies crisply. “Next time you move don’t ask me for help.”

 

“Aw...” Zitao circles an arm around Sehun’s shoulder. “But you’re my best friend. Isn’t it what best friends are for?”

 

“I’ll only forgive you if you buy me pizza.” Sehun scoots closer and leans his body towards Zitao’s.

 

“Deal.”

 

Growing up, it has always been _Zitao and Sehun_. They come in a package –a terrible and handful one– like Yifan, Zitao’s half-brother, often says. Sehun is the first person he will call when he needs to share something and so is the other way around. Zitao is a spoiled kid by nature, but he loves to baby Sehun the most. Even after they have chosen entirely different path in life (Zitao’s working as a lawyer, and Sehun at the moment is a resident at children's ward in a hospital), they are still _Zitao and Sehun_. Nothing will ever change that.

 

They hear the sound of the front door being pushed open and the light footsteps that follow. The footsteps halt and Baekhyun’s voice resonates in the entire apartment, “Boys, I’m bringing some food.”

 

The two of them are so exhausted, but Zitao stands up and pulls Sehun to stand too. They go out of Zitao’s bedroom and find Baekhyun rummaging through the drawer in Zitao’s kitchen. There are several plastic bags on the kitchen counter.

 

“Wow, you two look like shit,” Baekhyun comments when he takes in Zitao and Sehun’s appearance.

 

“Thank you for the compliment, Honey.” Zitao circles his arms around the smaller guy’s waist and kisses his lips. Baekhyun scrunches up his face at Zitao’s smell.

 

“That cupboard weighs like an adult elephant,” Sehun mumbles. He isn’t looking at the couple, instead searching through the bags that Baekhyun have brought. He exclaims happily when he finds his favorite banana milk.

 

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t help.” Baekhyun strokes his boyfriend’s cheek.

 

“Don’t worry,” Zitao responds. “I have Sehun anyway.”

 

Sehun snorts loudly on his milk, unexpectedly inhales some of the liquid up his nose, and chokes. He coughs miserably because his favorite drink has cut off his respiration. Zitao rolls his eyes but quickly detaches himself from Baekhyun and rushes to Sehun’s aid after grabbing some tissues at the counter.

 

“You’re so dumb!” Zitao chides as he cleans the remnants of the milk from Sehun’s face. Sehun whimpers pitifully. Zitao sighs and wipes tears that have formed at the corner of the younger’s eyes.

 

Baekhyun clears his throat and Zitao retracts his hands from Sehun. “Should I prepare the meal now?”

 

“You don’t have to cook for me, Hyung,” Sehun says. He goes to the couch to fetch his backpack.

 

“Wait, are you leaving?” Zitao demands.

 

“Yeah, my friend has something to do today so we decided to switch shift,” Sehun answers as he slings the bag on his shoulders. “I’m going first, okay? Bye, Hyung.” He waves his hand at them and makes to leave. Zitao follows in suit.

 

Zitao watches as Sehun struggles to wear his sneakers. “Stop working so hard.”

 

“I have to if I want to be a real doctor soon,” Sehun says. He stands up and smiles brightly at his _hyung_. “I’m going.”

 

Zitao grabs Sehun’s arm before the other guy goes out. “Come here tomorrow and I’ll buy you pizza that I promised.”

 

Sehun grins and nods. He leans in and pecks Zitao affectionately at the cheek. “See you tomorrow!”

 

Zitao goes inside again and is welcomed by the sight of Baekhyun cooking. Baekhyun turns his head to smile at him and says, “So, how do you feel about having _dwenjang jigae_ for lunch?”

 

“It will be lovely.” Zitao smiles back.

 

Baekhyun asks him to have some rest because he’d been moving furniture around the entire morning. Zitao lies down on his couch and almost dozes off when he suddenly remembers that Sehun had come to help him moving in early morning. He is positive that the guy came with an empty stomach –Sehun never eats breakfast– and then left without eating anything.

 

“This brat,” Zitao hisses and takes his phone from his pocket. He is about to call him but decides to just text.

 

_Ya! Why did you leave without eating?_

_Do you want your gastritis acting up again?_

 

He gets an almost immediate reply.

 

_I will eat at the cafeteria._

_Don’t frown. -_-‘_

_Enjoy your meal with Baek-hyung!! ^_^_

 

Zitao heaves out a breath. Trust Oh Sehun to make him such a worrywart. The kid always knows how to pull Zitao’s strings and makes him always wondering what kind of mess the guy gets himself into.

 

“The _jigae_ is ready, Tao!” Baekhyun calls out from the kitchen.

 

Zitao gets up from the couch and drags his legs towards his boyfriend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nobody ever expects Zitao to become a lawyer. He’s always been such a crybaby, so delicate and sensitive. He can never go into a haunted house without having Sehun or Yifan wound their hand tightly around his. He has a strange penchant for horror movies— because while he loves to watch them, they always leave him crying. He is also a sucker for romantic movies and, well, cute things in general. Baekhyun often laughs at him whenever he sees tears streaming down from Zitao’s eyes while they are watching movie together. Sehun is much more understanding, he always lets Zitao sniff and snuggle to his side.

 

When he’s at work though, he puts on a different persona. He’s known for being able to work efficiently and cold-heartedly. It also helps a lot to have an intimidating figure and smoldering eyes. Though really, at the end of the day Zitao feels like he’s being stretched over limit. It leaves him drained and all he wants to do is just hiding within the confines of his apartment, possibly playing Call of Duty 4 with his best friend.

 

“Huang Zitao!” His boss, Kim Junmyeon, calls for him.

 

“Yes, Sir?”

 

The short man hands him a card. It’s the invitation to the company gala next month. His law firm is quite a prestigious one so no wonders that the party is going to be held in a five-star hotel. “You may bring your boyfriend with you. That kid. Oh Sehun.”

 

Junmyeon keeps mistaking Sehun as his boyfriend. Zitao have given up long time ago to correct his boss’ mistake because the older male has been so stubborn.

 

Zitao walks back to his desk and notices that it’s already lunch time. He fishes his phone out and calls for his emergency contact.

 

“What’s up?” Sehun’s voice greets him.

 

“Are you busy right now?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Good.” Zitao takes his car key. “I’m coming over.”

 

It is very normal of Zitao to come to Sehun’s workplace and have lunch together with the blonde. The hospital is only five minutes away from his firm if he drives. Some of Zitao’s favorite restaurants are located near Sehun’s hospital. But mostly, Zitao just wants to make sure that Sehun doesn’t skip his meal and fall sick again. Sehun sometimes forgets the world around him when he’s busy attending the children.

 

That is how Zitao finds Sehun. His best friend is reading a story book for one of the child patient in the play room. The pale child sits on Sehun’s lap, occasionally giggling when Sehun tries to impersonate the giant in the story. Zitao smiles at the heartwarming sight before him.

 

Zitao gladly stands there and just watches silently, but as if on cue, Sehun looks up and sees him. His eyes lights up. He whispers at the little girl on his lap and points at Zitao. The girl follows Sehun’s direction, smiles, and nods. She raises from Sehun’s lap and gives the guy a kiss on the cheek, then she walks away.

 

“Let’s go,” Sehun says when he’s already in front of Zitao.

 

“Are you sure that you’re allowed to leave?” Zitao needs to make sure.

 

“Jongin will take it over for me.” Sehun tugs at Zitao’s hand. “Come on.”

 

“Who is the kid just now?” Zitao asks as they walk side by side to a Chinese restaurant near the hospital.

 

“She’s Haeun,” Sehun answers, his face beaming. “She’s only seven years old but she’s very polite and lovely.”

 

“What is she...” Zitao’s voice trailed off. “You know.”

 

Sehun’s entire face visibly darkens at the unfinished question. “Leukemia,” he murmurs with a hoarse voice after a thick silence. “We’re still trying to find the right medication for her...”

 

“And you will succeed,” Zitao chimes in.

 

Sehun sends him a grateful look. He plants himself on Zitao’s side and the older guy instinctively wraps an arm around his shoulders. Now that both of them become fully functioning adults and are faced with harsh reality on regular basis— Zitao knows that he can’t shield Sehun from every bad thing in the world. But he will always provide himself to be a strong pillar for Sehun to hold onto so the guy knows that he’s not alone.

 

They are going through the menu when Zitao’s phone goes off. He quickly picks up the call.

 

“Hey, Baek?”

 

“Let’s have a lunch together,” Baekhyun says excitedly through the line.

 

“I’m having lunch with Sehun right now at Chinese restaurant near his workplace,” Zitao responds. “But you’re welcome to join us.”

 

The line goes quiet.

 

“Hello?” Zitao calls to make sure that his boyfriend is still there. Sehun eyes him curiously but he motions the younger to continue choosing the menu. “Baekhyun?”

 

Zitao hears Baekhyun breathes heavily to the phone. “Just say my greeting to Sehun,” Baekhyun finally says.

 

“You’re not coming over?”

 

“No, uh, I’m fine here.” Baekhyun definitely doesn’t sound fine but Zitao decides to just let it slide.

 

“Come to my place tonight,” Zitao suggests. “I’ll cook you something.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“I’ll see you tonight,” Zitao says.

 

Baekhyun hums and the call ends.

 

“Baekhyun-hyung isn’t coming?” Sehun asks.

 

Zitao shakes his head. “So you’ve decided what to eat?”

 

“I want _haidilao_ ,” Sehun replies eagerly.

 

“Okay,” Zitao readily agrees.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Where is your lover boy?” Chanyeol asks when he finds Zitao alone at his door, hand holding a bottle of fine red wine.

 

“Baekhyun has a last-minute meeting with his supervisor,” Zitao says. He steps past Chanyeol into the apartment and takes off his jacket. The taller male closes the door.

 

“I didn’t mean him.” Chanyeol grins. “I asked for Sehun.”

 

Zitao rolls his eyes at his brother-in-law. He hands the wine bottle to Chanyeol’s awaiting hand.

 

“Sehun will come after he finishes his shift,” Zitao grumbles.

 

“Is that you, Taozi?” he hears Yifan calls.

 

“Yeah, it’s me!” Zitao calls back. He goes further inside and is greeted by his brother who stands in the middle of the living room with outstretched hands. Zitao barrels forward and hugs the tall man.

 

“I hardly see you anymore,” Yifan laments. “Are you too busy with your own life right now that you forget about your poor brother?”

 

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Zitao chides.

 

“I just miss my little brother.” Yifan looks around as if searching for something. “Speaking of which, where is the other brat?”

 

“Sehun needs to finish a shift before coming over.”

 

Chanyeol appears beside Yifan. “I’m making lasagna tonight, I hope you don’t mind?”

 

“Sehun will be ecstatic,” Zitao comments.

 

Chanyeol leaves the brothers on their own device while he busies himself preparing dinner. Zitao and Yifan talk about things –like Yifan’s upcoming novel and yet another honeymoon their parents currently have. Yifan also tells Zitao about his married life with Chanyeol (it’s their third year already) –how Chanyeol can be obnoxiously loud sometimes— especially when Yifan is trying to finish a chapter in his current novel. Zitao wonders how the couple can make it work despite all the differences between them.

 

Their conversation is interrupted when the doorbell rings.

 

“It must be Sehun.” Chanyeol comes out from the kitchen and goes to the front door to let Sehun in. They hear the exchange between Chanyeol and Sehun from the living room as well as another foreign voice.

 

“Hey, Hyung!” Sehun chirps when he enters the room. Yifan stands up and hugs his second little brother. Chanyeol joins them, along with a tan male Zitao has never met before. “I brought a friend.”

 

The stranger smiles and bows at them. “I’m Kim Jongin, Sehun’s fellow resident.”

 

 _So this is Kim Jongin_ , Zitao thought. He often hears Sehun mention the guy’s name. Sehun has told him how this Jongin has helped him write his reports and willingly switches shift with him whenever he needs it.

 

The dinner goes rather well. Sehun shrieks happily when he finds that Chanyeol cooked his special lasagna. The beginning of their conversation revolves around Sehun’s residency and what he aims for the future. They talk about Yifan and Chanyeol’s plan to adopt a kid to complete their little family, which everyone supports whole-heartedly. The dinner hosts also prod Zitao about planning his relationship with Baekhyun and Zitao responds about it agitatedly.

 

“I take our relationship seriously,” Zitao grunts. “But marriage is not in my sight at the moment.” He stabs his fork on his food with unnecessary force. The married couple decides not to chase the matter after the irritated response they get.

 

He looks up to see Sehun staring at him serenely. Zitao cocks an eyebrow at the guy. Sehun smiles slightly and shakes his head a little before averting his attention at Jongin who’s in the middle of telling Yifan and Chanyeol about his family background.

 

“Thank you for the dinner,” Jongin bids his goodbye at Yifan’s hallway. “I had fun.”

 

“You’re welcome to join us anytime,” Chanyeol says kindly.

 

Jongin nods. “It’s really nice to meet you all.” The good-looking male bows and turns to Sehun. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Sehun.” He squeezes the blonde’s upper arm before leaving.

 

“What a courteous young man,” Chanyeol states; his tone is teasing. He–with the help from Sehun and Zitao— is cleaning the dining table after the feast. Zitao halts his movement to look at the other guys in the room.

 

Sehun shoots Chanyeol an annoyed glare. “What?”

 

“Just saying that your friend is very polite. And very handsome too,” Chanyeol adds with a mischief glint on his eyes.

 

“Hyung—” Sehun whines.

 

“Sehun—” Chanyeol mimics the younger’s desperation and laughs boomingly. He pats the blond hair lovingly and says, “You’ve grown up.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean? Hey, Hyung!” Sehun exclaims frustratedly when Chanyeol just waves a hand and brings the dirty dishes to the sink. Sehun pouts and turns to Zitao who quickly focuses on arranging the remaining plates on his hands to avoid the eye contact.

 

Honestly, the thought never crossed his mind. Sehun is already 25 so it’s very normal for him to be in a relationship. _Now that he recalls_ , Sehun have never introduced any guy or girl to him. Sure, the young doctor has been to dates before but he only took them as flings. It’s quite weird, but Zitao actually prefers Single Sehun who loves to spend his free time with him. Moreover, his protective brother side is shaken quite violently by the prospect of Sehun in a steady relationship with somebody. But Zitao guesses if that’s what Sehun wants, he will respect and support him all the way. He just wishes that Sehun will tell him first if he ever decides to jump into a relationship.

 

“You’re so quiet, Hyung,” Sehun whispers when both of them are lying down on the bed in Yifan and Chanyeol’s guest room –the couple had convinced them to stay the night because they want to have breakfast together with them for it’s been forever since the last time they did. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing, really,” Zitao answers immediately.

 

Sehun hums but the elder knows that the younger doesn’t believe him even one bit –they know each other too well already. They stay in silence for awhile, lying side by side on the queen-sized bed; their breathings are the only things that can be heard.

 

“Are you dating Kim Jongin?” Zitao finally asks.

 

“No,” Sehun replies quietly. But there’s something more in that answer. “He asked me out, though,” Sehun murmurs after some time.

 

“How did you answer?”

 

“I didn’t say a thing.”

 

“But will you say ‘yes’?” Zitao probes.

 

Sehun sighs. “I don’t know,” he says. “He’s a nice guy but now I want to focus on my residency –among other things.”

 

Zitao glances at his best friend before saying, “If you decide to say ‘yes’, will you tell me?”

 

It’s dark –Zitao cannot see Sehun’s features clearly— but he knows that the brat is rolling his eyes at him right now. “Of course, Silly!” Zitao winces when Sehun flicks his forehead. “Now shut up and scoot closer— I’m cold.”

 

Zitao complies.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Relationship with Baekhyun is mostly easy. During their four years together, they rarely have a fight. Even the fights they have are only caused by teeny weenie things –like when Zitao forgets to put the toilet seat down or when Baekhyun used up Zitao’s bodywash just in a bath. Baekhyun never nags him for being too lazy sometimes. He also never gets jealous of Sehun, whom Zitao spends ridiculously lots of time with. And that’s what makes Zitao appreciate him a lot.

 

They are so different, but somehow also very similar. Needless to say that Zitao is comfortable with the way their relationship is going. Even so, he never thinks too much ahead about his relationship with the brunette. He just wants to enjoy their moment together. Both of them are still young anyway. There’s no need to rush.

 

“I’m hungry,” Baekhyun says. He tears his gaze from the movie they are watching to pout at Zitao. They are enjoying their rare and precious quality time, cuddling together on Zitao’s brand new couch.

 

“What do you want to eat?”

 

“ _Jjajangmyeon_.”

 

“But I want chicken.”

 

“Then you order chicken. I’ll go for _jjajangmyeon_.”

 

“Perfect.”

 

They eat their dinner in a calm silence; Baekhyun’s legs rest snuggly on Zitao’s lap. Somewhere between chewing the scallion chicken, Zitao remembers about the gala he has to attend the following month.

 

“Come with me to the company gala next month,” Zitao says.

 

“Aren’t you coming with Sehun?” Baekhyun replies in a small voice.

 

Zitao is taken aback. “Why would I go with Sehun if I have you?”

 

He sees something shifts in Baekhyun’s hazelnut eyes but it disappears as quickly as it comes up. Baekhyun nods. “I’ll go with you,” he says before returning to his noodle.

 

Zitao still feels unsettled about Baekhyun’s reaction to his invitation. He opens and closes his mouth repeatedly, unsure about what to say. He observes his boyfriend who was eating his food enthusiastically. But he notices that Baekhyun keeps his gaze firmly on the TV, clearly avoiding eye contact with him.

 

“Baek,” Zitao calls.

 

Baekhyun only hums.

 

“Sehun is a brother that I love and want to protect.”

 

At this, Baekhyun finally pays him attention. The smaller guy sighs before putting his dinner aside. “I know,” Baekhyun whispers.

 

“Then why—“

 

“It’s really beautiful you know, the thing that you both have,” Baekhyun says. “Sometimes I wish that I could be a Sehun for you.”

 

“What we have is good too,” Zitao counters.

 

“Of course.” Baekhyun smiles.

 

“It is!” Zitao insists.

 

“I know, Tao,” Baekhyun replies indulgingly. “Believe me –I know.”

 

Zitao hastily sets his plate on the coffee table before caging Baekhyun’s face within his large hands. He stares hard at those shining eyes. Baekhyun looks back at him solemnly.

 

“What do I have to say to make you get it?”

 

Baekhyun smiles. “You don’t need to say anything. I already got it.”

 

Zitao keeps staring at his boyfriend for some moment before colliding his lips with Baekhyun’s. The impact makes both of them grimace but he doesn’t stop. In fact, the pain seems to spur something in him and makes him claim the other’s mouth in a more vigorous manner. He probably does it out of desperation –or maybe need to assure the guy in front of him— Zitao isn’t sure. He decides to shut everything out and drown himself in the sea of Baekhyun. Baekhyun. _Baekhyun_.

 

It isn’t until later that night –when he is tucked under the comforter with Baekhyun clinging onto his side— that Zitao realizes he got 11 missed calls from Sehun. Worried, he quickly dials the younger’s number but he is directed to the voice mail. After two more attempts, Zitao shrugs and puts his phone on the bedside table. Probably Sehun just wanted to ask him to have dinner together. He will survive without Zitao in a day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

At the sudden loud ring of his phone, Zitao jolts awake. He mindlessly searches for his phone and knocks some things down the floor in the process. Baekhyun is still fast-asleep during the whole ordeal.

 

“Hello?” he mumbles to his phone.

 

“Is this Huang Zitao?” a distantly familiar voice asks.

 

“Yes, who is this?”

 

“I’m Kim Jongin –Sehun’s friend?”

 

Zitao abruptly sits up after hearing it. “Did something happen to Sehun?” He makes to get out of the bed and searches for his clothes.

 

“He’s, um—” Jongin halts. “He’s fine but— can you come to the hospital right now?”

 

“I’ll be there in ten minutes!”

 

Jongin thanks him and hangs up.

 

“What happened, Tao?” Zitao turns to his boyfriend who’s seemingly waking up. Baekhyun rubs his eyes tiredly.

 

“I need to check on Sehun,” Zitao says as he wears his jeans. “Get back to sl—”

 

“I’m coming with you!” Baekhyun cuts him.

 

The drive to the hospital is one hell of a ride for Zitao. He is tired but also very anxious about Sehun at the same time. Baekhyun keeps reminding him to slow down from the passenger seat.

 

“Where is he?” Zitao demands to Jongin who greets them at the entrance. Jongin leads them to the residents’ office.

 

He sees Sehun immediately after he enters the place. Even though Sehun’s figure is curling up and his face is hidden between his hands, Zitao recognizes him.

 

“Sehun,” Zitao calls.

 

Sehun slowly looks up. Zitao feels his heart clenched at the sight of Sehun’s bloodshot eyes and dejected expression. But the chest pain gets more painful when Sehun reaches out for him— like a child who’s impatiently waiting for his parent to pick him up. If Sehun is still a tiny six year-old kid like how he first met Zitao, Zitao will gladly hoist him up to his embrace. But he is no longer a kid, so Zitao settles to envelope him within his arms.

 

Zitao feels the younger shaking in his arms. He has no idea about what to do –he doesn’t even know what is happening— but he understands that Sehun needs a steady grip and he’s willing to give him that. He tightens his hug.

 

“He needs to rest,” one of Sehun’s senior tells him. “We will clear his schedule for tomorrow. He can go back to work in Monday.”

 

Zitao nods. He pulls Sehun up to stand and bids his goodbye at Sehun’s co-workers. Along with Jongin and Baekhyun, they walk to the parking lot.

 

“Thanks for calling me,” Zitao says to Jongin after he gets Sehun settled comfortably at the back seat.

 

“Sehun needs you,” Jongin answers.

 

“What happened to him?” Baekhyun asks.

 

“Haeun passed away,” Jongin whispers after a moment of hesitance. “She’s a case that Sehun’s working on and he’s emotionally attached with the girl. He must be devastated.”

 

“He called me earlier.” Zitao is overwhelmed with guilt. His gaze falls at Sehun who’s leaning his head against the car window –his eyes seemingly stare into nothing. “But I didn’t notice until later.”

 

Baekhyun squeezes Zitao’s hand –assuring him— then says to Jongin, “We’ll get him home safely.”

 

Jongin thanks them and bows. He glances at Sehun before going back in.

 

“I’ll drive.” Baekhyun takes the key from Zitao. “Get in the back seat.”

 

Zitao obeys. He opens the back door and goes in. Sehun doesn’t move a bit when Zitao sits himself next to him. Baekhyun starts the car silently and drives away. Sehun is still and Zitao keeps sending him desperate looks –he just wants to snatch the guy into his arms but at the same time worries that the space is what Sehun wants. He exchanges glances with Baekhyun through the rear view mirror.

 

“Where should we go?” Baekhyun asks in a hushed voice.

 

“My place,” Zitao replies firmly. He won’t let Sehun sleep in his cramped apartment at this state. Sehun’s parents are out of the question. In a sense –Zitao realizes— he _is_ Sehun’s parent. He’s the person the younger will call whenever he needs help. He’s the first person Sehun shares his happiness and sadness with. Sehun only has him to rely on.

 

They finally arrive at Zitao’s place. Zitao urges his best friend to shower and change into more comfortable clothes. Sehun just follows in an autopilot manner.

 

“I’m going home,” Baekhyun says. “Call me if anything happens, okay?”

 

“You can stay in the guest room,” Zitao suggests but Baekhyun shakes his head.

 

“I don’t want to intrude.” Zitao’s about to open his mouth to protest but Baekhyun tiptoes to place a chaste kiss on his lips that soon turns into a passionate lip lock. They separate when they hear a loud thud.

 

Zitao turns to see Sehun stand awkwardly in front of the bathroom –like he isn’t sure about himself. He looks so vulnerable and young and Zitao can’t help but remember that night when thirteen year-old Sehun came over to his house after his parents’ quarrel.

 

He was totally wrecked and wet from the rain outside. His eyes were red and puffy. But what broke Zitao’s heart the most was seeing Sehun stand on his front porch with bony arms wrapped around his own body, as if trying to protect himself from the world around him.

 

Zitao’s mother quickly ushered Sehun inside their small house and tended the poor kid with the utmost care. Even Yifan, who usually snapped at them because of their loudness, lent his precious plushies collection. Zitao could only stand in the curb while his parents and brother went back and forth to take care of his best friend.

 

It was not until the night, when the two of them were lying on Zitao’s bed between sea of plushies, that Sehun finally opened up about his parents’ divorce. The younger cried and cried while Zitao wrapped his arms around him from behind, kept murmuring soothing words to his ear. Zitao decided that night –as he held sleeping Sehun— to make it one of his life missions: ensuring Sehun’s happiness.

 

“I’m going, okay?” Baekhyun breaks Zitao’s train of thought. He shifts his gaze away from his boyfriend to look at Sehun. “Get a good sleep, okay, Sehun?”

 

Sehun nods and waves weakly at Baekhyun.

 

“I’m walking him outside, okay?” Zitao tells Sehun. “Wait for me in my room.”

 

Except when he enters his room, he doesn’t find Sehun. Confused, he tries to search for the younger around the apartment. He finds Sehun lying on his side in the guest room’s bed.

 

“Why are you sleeping here?” Zitao asks as he joins Sehun in the bed. Cautiously, he throws an arm over the blonde’s torso from behind. Sehun doesn’t budge.

 

Zitao raises his head to peer at Sehun’s face. His heart drops when he sees river of tears making its way down the younger’s face.

 

The rest of the night goes on like what have happened twelve years ago.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Zitao has never been a great cook. But thanks to his domestically gifted brother-in-law, he is now able to distinguish sugar from salt, and maybe scrambles some eggs too.

 

He woke up this morning to Sehun within his hold, feeling warm all over–the younger cuddled so trustingly against him. Although Zitao is the one who should give the other comfort, he felt like he is getting comforted instead. Having been around Sehun always made him feel somehow rejuvenated, and today is no exception.

 

“I'm making breakfast,” Zitao announces when Sehun goes into the kitchen. He frowns when he notices that the blonde already has his full attire on. “Why are you dressed up?”

 

“I’m going to work,” Sehun says.

 

“Excuse me but you’re not going anywhere, Young Man.” Zitao turns off the stove and heads to Sehun. “I’m not letting you go in this state.”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“Your senior gave you a day's rest.” Zitao maneuvers Sehun to sit on the kitchen stool. He pours a glass of OJ and gives it to Sehun. “Stay still while I’m cooking.”

 

Zitao continues working at the scrambled eggs. Sehun eyes the plate Zitao places in front of him unenthusiastically. “I really have to go to the hospital,” Sehun murmurs.

 

“You don’t have to, okay?” Zitao sits beside the younger, handing him the spoon. “Why do you insist anyway?”

 

“I shouldn’t have broken down like last night,” Sehun explains. “It was so unprofessional of me. I have to apologize to everyone.”

 

“Everyone understands that you’re so close to the child, it’s—”

 

“It’s not okay!” Sehun cries, he stands up. “I am a doctor! I’ve got to work cold-heartedly! I have to do my job with a clear mind. Patients come and go. They either get better or get worse or even die! It’s just like that with people. They eventually go away!”

 

Right after Sehun finishes his outburst, Zitao pulls the younger to his embrace. Sehun falls against him limply –burying his head on Zitao’s neck.

 

“I will drive you to the hospital,” Zitao decides. He kisses Sehun’s temple. He feels the other guy nods at his words. “Now eat your breakfast.”

 

“I’ve to go home to get some change clothes and my reports,” Sehun says.

 

“Okay.”

 

True to his words, Zitao drives Sehun back home to pick up his things. As he waits for Sehun as the latter goes up to his apartment, Zitao takes in the surroundings. The neighborhood Sehun lives in is quite friendly. Even so, the apartment lies near a crowded street. Certainly not an ideal place for a young doctor who is struggling through his degree and needs silence to either read medical books or write reports. Sehun comes from a well-off family and his parents already offered him a nice place downtown. But Sehun refused. Since his parents have built their own families, Sehun minimized his contacts with them. He won’t ask anything from them unless it’s an emergency. Sehun once declared that his family is Zitao and the older guy’s family. That makes Zitao happy, but also somewhat sad.

 

“Let’s get going,” Sehun says once he's back in Zitao’s car. He puts his seatbelt on.

 

Zitao sighs and starts his car. There is no way to change Sehun’s mind. The drive to the hospital takes almost half an hour. They don’t converse during the trip, because Sehun keeps staring outside his window and Zitao for once doesn’t know what to say to the younger. He lets his best friend have his silence; probably that’s what he needs the most at the moment.

 

“Thanks for driving me here.” They have arrived in front of the hospital already. Sehun reaches for the door handle and says, “I’m going.”

 

The words stir something inside Zitao. He doesn’t want Sehun to leave. “Do you know that you can move in my place? You spend most of your free time there anyway. I’ll take care of you.”

 

Sehun’s eyes widen at the offer.

 

To be honest, Zitao doesn’t know what have made him say that. But now that the word is out, he knows that it is the most correct thing to say. It will be more convenient for Sehun if he moves in because Zitao’s apartment is closer to the hospital and is located in a quieter neighborhood. Moreover, he will be at ease knowing that the younger will be near him—though he is not really sure why.

 

“I don’t think Baekhyun-hyung will appreciate that,” Sehun murmurs.

 

“Sehun—”

 

“I have to go, Hyung!” Sehun cuts him and quickly goes out. Zitao stays in his car, watching Sehun’s retreating back. Not even once does the blonde look back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

He was sure that Yifan and his husband can feel the tension between him and Sehun. Ever since he offered the younger to move in with him, Sehun has avoided his attempts on contacting the guy. Sehun said that he’s busy, but Zitao doesn’t believe him. He’s desperate to make their relationship normal again but he doesn’t know how. Luckily his parents who just got back from their honeymoon in Belize invited him, Sehun, Yifan, and Chanyeol to have dinner with them.

 

Chanyeol pulls Zitao to the side. From the corner of his eye, he sees his brother talking seriously with Sehun at the dining table. They are all at their family’s favorite restaurant, waiting for his parents to come.

 

“What’s wrong with you two?” Chanyeol asks.

 

“Nothing, really.” But then Zitao decides to just let it out. “We hit some bumps.”

 

“Well, fix it!” Chanyeol says sternly. “I’m not happy when the two of you are not talking like this. You better finish your business before Mom and Dad arrive, okay?”

 

 _But Sehun doesn’t even want to look at me!_ Zitao wants to scream but Chanyeol already heads up to join Yifan and Sehun.

 

“Hey,” Zitao greets when he sits at the chair next to Sehun.

 

“Hey,” Sehun greets back, reluctantly. He doesn’t face Zitao appropriately—while his head turns to Zitao’s direction, his eyes wander anywhere but the elder's.

 

He doesn’t know how the thing happened—but somehow his hand finds Sehun’s under the table. Sehun visibly stiffens at his touch but Zitao stubbornly maintains his hold. Gradually, Sehun relaxes and even gives his hand a comforting squeeze. He finally— _finally_ —looks directly at Zitao and sends him a weak but sweet smile that probably has Zitao’s heart melt. It’s like telling him that they are okay, Sehun is still his beloved little brother and nothing can change that. He tightens his grip around Sehun’s hand. From his periphery, Zitao notices that Yifan and Chanyeol are looking at them fondly.

 

Right after that, Yifan and Zitao’s mother makes her grand entrance—followed by his husband.

 

“Here they are my favorite boys!” Mrs. Huang—formerly Miss Wu—coos. She holds out her arms and says, “Come give me a hug, Sehun, Chanyeol.”

 

Zitao’s hand feels a bit too empty when Sehun lets go of him. Sehun and Chanyeol rise from their seats and throw their arms around the middle-aged lady. They laugh when Zitao’s mom gives them each a peck on the cheek.

 

“Ah—I forgot about those two guys over there,” Mrs. Huang says as she sits down. “Don’t worry; you’re still my second favorite boys.” Zitao and Yifan snort.

 

His father gives each of them a pat on the back and asks about their life lately. He’s never been the kind of outspoken person like his mother, but his father cares a lot about them and doesn’t hesitate to show it.

 

During the dinner, his parents fill them stories about how amazing Belize is. Mother suggests that Yifan and Chanyeol visit the country for their honeymoon, because the couple haven’t had one ever since they got married. Chanyeol nods enthusiastically while Yifan just rolls his eyes. But Zitao knows that his brother considers the idea of going there because his eyes soften when Chanyeol looks at him expectantly. His brother never says no to his husband.

 

“So—” Zitao’s mother starts, eyeing her youngest son. “How is it?”

 

“How is what?”

 

“You and Baekhyun,” his mother says. “How are you two doing?”

 

Zitao can guess where this conversation leads to and he won’t help his mother to get there. “We’re fine—as always. Tell me more about the Mayan temples that you two visited.”

 

His sorry attempt to change the topic is futile because his mom says, “You’re already 26, Taozi, and it’s time for you to settle down. I don’t really like what I see whenever I visit your apartment: messy rooms, unhealthy food. Let Baekhyun take care of you.”

 

“I’ve been doing just fine,” Zitao replies curtly.

 

“I mean—look at your brother.” She waves her dainty hand in Yifan and Chanyeol’s direction. “Before he got married he used to live in a slump—no offence, Dear.” She holds out her palm when Yifan is about to protest. “I want you to live better than you do now.”

 

Zitao sends his father a helpless look and his father immediately butts in, “Honey, let him be. I’m sure Zitao has his own view about the situation. In these days, it’s very common for someone to get married after 30.”

 

“I don’t want him to get married after 30!” his mother shrieks.

 

“Mom.” Chanyeol puts his arm around the hysterical woman. “Everyone has their own focus and Zitao says that he doesn’t have marriage in mind at the moment. Who knows, maybe it will change soon?”

 

“Not everyone does it like me, Mom,” Yifan chimes in. “I am probably cursed to be with this loud person at such young age.”

 

Chanyeol elbows Yifan’s side affectionately. They smile at each other lovingly.

 

His mother reaches out to put her hands on Zitao’s. “You will tell me when you finally decide to get married, okay?”

 

“Of course, Mom.”

 

She nods in satisfaction and turns to Sehun who is silent through the entire ordeal. “You will tell me too when you find the person you want to spend your entire life with, right, Sehunnie?”

 

Sehun breathes out heavily. “I will, Mom.” There is a catch in his voice and Zitao's hand finds the younger’s again, but Sehun doesn’t hold him back this time around.

 

“Okay, well—” Yifan clears his throat. “Mom, Dad, Chanyeol and I decided that it’s time for us to have our own child. What do you think?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Zitao feels drained when he goes to bed that Friday night. His firm is in the middle of working on a huge project and he has to stay until late at night in the office. The conversation with his mother last week also occupies Zitao’s mind. It makes him question his relationship with Baekhyun. Sure, he likes the older guy—loves him even. They’ve been together for more than four years, so what is it if not love that keeps them going? But to spend the rest of his life with Baekhyun—he is still hesitant about that.

 

His phone vibrates, breaking his thought. Zitao groans—wishing that it’s not his company. He is taken aback when he checks the caller ID and sees that it’s Sehun calling him. The two of them haven’t met or spoken to each other since the family dinner—Zitao is too busy with work and Sehun hasn't initiated any contact. He quickly answers the call.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Is this Zitao-hyung?” A foreign voice asks.

 

“Who are you?” Zitao frowns. He gets up from his bed. “Why are you using Sehun’s phone?”

 

“Well, I’m Kim Jongdae, a bartender,” the other guy, Jongdae, explains. “This Sehun kid is passed out in my bar right now. Can you pick him up?”

 

“Give me the address,” Zitao says. After Jongdae finishes reciting his workplace address, Zitao only puts his coat over his pajamas, and rushes.

 

He arrives in front of the small bar in no time. He is greeted by a guy about Baekhyun’s height once inside.

 

“Zitao?” the guy, whom he believes as Jongdae, asks. Zitao nods and Jongdae leads him to a table.

 

Zitao’s heart beats quicker at the sight of Sehun’s hunched figure. The blonde’s cheek is planted on the table. It feels like a punch in the gut when he sees wet trails on the guy’s face. _Has Sehun been crying? What happened to him?_

 

“Do you accept card?” Zitao hands his credit card to Jongdae. Jongdae nods and goes away to take care of the bill. Zitao nudges Sehun’s side and whispers to his ear, “Hunnie, wake up.”

 

Sehun squirms and hums but doesn’t open his eyes. Zitao gives the younger a gentle but firm shake. “Come on, Sehun.”

 

Sehun finally wakes up. He blinks at Zitao repeatedly as if he isn’t sure that it’s really the elder who stands in front of him. “Hyung?”

 

“Let’s get you home.”

 

Sehun shakes his head. “Don’t want to.”

 

“Don’t be stubborn.” Zitao forces the younger to get up. Sehun detaches himself from Zitao once he stands up, his legs wobbling precariously under him. “Lean on me, you can’t even stand up straight.”

 

“Just let me be,” Sehun states.

 

“I care about you too much that I don’t want to see you trip and slam that pretty head of yours onto the ground.”

 

“Then stop caring about me!” Sehun shouts. “Stop smothering me with your affection! It’s suffocating me.”

 

Zitao gapes at him.

 

“You will marry Baekhyun someday –being all lovey-dovey together,” Sehun mumbles drunkenly. “And then where will I go?”

 

“Sehun—” Zitao starts.

 

The younger looks up and stares at him directly; tears start to reform in his eyes. “What am I gonna do?” Sehun sobs. “I’m all alone.”

 

When Sehun is being fragile like this, usually Zitao will hug him until he stops crying and shivering. But the moment Zitao tries to wrap his arms around the younger, Sehun resists and pushes him away strongly. Zitao stumbles for a moment, tries to regain his balance but then he feels Sehun’s hands grab his coat’s collar. Zitao is struck when Sehun presses his lips hard on his.

 

“You have me.” Sehun’s gaze pierces into him when he lets go of his lips. “But why can’t I have you for myself?”

 

_What?_

 

The loud confession seems to draw out all of the blonde’s energy because after saying that he slumps onto the still-dazed Zitao.

 

“I think you’re everything that I’ve ever wanted,” Sehun murmurs lowly. “But you don’t even want me that way.” Sehun’s words reduced into hushed whispers that the elder no longer able to catch.

 

Zitao finally regains his senses as he feels Sehun grow heavy on him. With the help of Jongdae who’s watching the commotion they are making with perplexed look, Zitao gets Sehun settled comfortably on his back.

 

They get to Zitao’s apartment safely. Zitao should worry about his back—Sehun is not exactly light—but his head is still thrumming because of Sehun’s drunken confession. _Does Sehun really mean what he said? If so, how could he not notice it?_

 

Except when he lies next to Sehun later—the younger’s already cleaned and dressed in Zitao’s sweats and T-shirt—he recalls how Sehun acted around him. Sehun often sends him this soft look that Zitao has never cared to comprehend. He never says ‘no’ to Zitao—except probably that one time when Zitao has offered him to move in together. He also realizes that Sehun always looks away whenever he kisses or hugs Baekhyun. Zitao wants to bang his head on the hardest surface for being so dumb, so ignorant.

 

He gazes at Sehun who is in deep slumber. Zitao scoots closer and proceeds to pull the blonde into his embrace—Sehun’s head pressing on his chest. Zitao is exhausted but he can’t bring himself to sleep. He shuts his mind and relishes in Sehun’s warmth. The odd sense of comfort is back, but Zitao doesn’t let himself to think more behind it. He just wants to enjoy.

 

Sehun wriggles in his arms hours later and carefully frees himself from Zitao. Zitao hears Sehun roam around his room—probably trying to find his clothes. Zitao keeps his eyes close through the entire thing. His eyes almost shoot open when he feels a soft and long press of lips on his forehead. Then it disappears. The sound of the door being opened and closed reaches Zitao’s ears. Sehun is gone.

 

Zitao opens his eyes. It’s early morning; the sun hasn’t even risen yet. Something in his periphery catches his attention. He picks up a green sticky note attached to his bed lamp.

 

Sehun's messy handwriting says: _I’m going. Thank you._

 

He wants to go after the younger. He really wants to. But he has to hold back for he doesn’t even know what to say to Sehun at that moment.

 

 

 

 

 

Zitao is restless. It will be the first time in more than two weeks that he’s meeting Sehun since that confession. He is still surprised when Sehun accepted his invitation to have lunch with him and Baekhyun readily. He thought the younger would dodge, but he’s relieved when he didn't. He misses Sehun a lot.

 

“Are you okay?” Baekhyun asks.

 

“I’m fine.” But he can’t stop moving his knees.

 

“Really? But—Oh.” Baekhyun pointed at the bistro’s door. “Sehun is here.”

 

Zitao hurriedly looks at door. True, he sees Sehun entering the small place. Sehun has a small smile on his face—it’s a nice sight for Zitao. He feels his knees stop buckling. But then, Zitao feels his stomach drop when he sees Sehun is holding hands with a timid Jongin. He doesn’t even notice that Jongin is there because his mind is occupied with Sehun.

 

“Hey!” The pair greets them once they are close enough.

 

“Ah—now I see why you’re out of reach lately.” Baekhyun smiles teasingly, eyeing Sehun and Jongin’s entwined hands.

 

Both of them blush in embarrassment. Sehun grumps and leads Jongin to sit down.

 

“Long time no see.” It seems like he startles Sehun because his best friend turns to him so fast he can hear a painful crick of his head.

 

“Long time no see,” Sehun whispers.

 

Baekhyun seems to pick up the awkward atmosphere between them—looking between them, back and forth. When the heavy atmosphere is no longer acceptable, he claps his hand and says cheerfully, “Let’s order. You have to try their seafood soup, Jongin. They serve the best one in the world.” Jongin—who is also looking at the two best friends curiously—nods his head enthusiastically.

 

Zitao excludes himself from the conversation the three of them are having. He is still trying to sort out his feeling and he is afraid that he will let out unwanted emotion if he risks to even open his mouth. So he refrains from talking too much.

 

When Zitao feels like he can’t control his composure anymore he excuses himself to the rest room—three pairs of eyes follow his move cautiously. Once he gets there he slumps against one of the toilet stalls—he’s lucky that the men's lavatory is empty. Zitao breathes in and out—trying to calm his raging mind. He doesn’t like that he’s not talking so easily to Sehun lately because being around him keeps making him think about that night when Sehun admitted that he’s in love with him. Zitao hasn’t decided how he feels about that—which is weird because he already has Baekhyun. He supposes that he should ignore what happened that night and just continue with his life. Besides, Sehun doesn’t even acknowledge what he said; the younger probably doesn’t remember anything at all for he was so drunk. But strangely, Zitao doesn’t want to forget.

 

Zitao sighs and walks to the sink. When he was rinsing his hands, the door opens and Jongin goes in.

 

“We decided to watch a movie after this,” Jongin tells him as he washes his hands beside Zitao. “I hope you don’t mind.”

 

“It’s fine.” Zitao smiles a little. “It’s been a while since I last went to the theater.”

 

Jongin smiles back at him. Zitao observes the guy next to him. Kim Jongin is a good guy, he can see that. But he’s not sure that the guy is compatible for his Sehun.

 

“Do you love him?” Zitao blurts.

 

“Excuse me?” Jongin—who is drying his hands—looks taken aback at the question.

 

“Sehun– do you love him?”

 

“I think it’s too fast to say that I do,” Jongin says, slowly. “But I will never try to hurt him.”

 

Zitao nods. Jongin’s answer is actually sufficient enough for him and Sehun only started their relationship not too long ago. But Zitao can’t help feeling his gut being twisted inside him at the sight of the two of them. It isn’t a pretty feeling.

 

“I will hold onto your words.”

 

“Yes, you can.”

 

Both of them go out from the rest room to Baekhyun and Sehun who are waiting for them. They pay for the food and head to the theater near the bistro.

 

Zitao finally has the chance to be alone with Sehun when Baekhyun and Jongin leave them to buy some snacks. He knows that Baekhyun wants to give them time to fix anything between them, because he drags Jongin away too eagerly. Zitao sighs heavily and Sehun turns to stare at him. They eye each other for awhile before Zitao sighs again and walks until he’s right in front of Sehun.

 

“I hate when we are awkward like this,” Zitao says without pretense.

 

“I hate it too, Hyung,” Sehun mumbles. He holds Zitao’s elbow before saying, “So you see—I’m dating Jongin.”

 

“I know.” Zitao touches the younger’s soft cheek. Then comes the most important question that keeps budging him, “Are you happy?”

 

Sehun is quiet—considering the question. “Do you want me to be?” Sehun asks back after a short silence.

 

Zitao is surprised by the younger’s response. “Of course I want you to be happy!”

 

Sehun nods—slowly. “Then I’m happy.”

 

Today is the first time that Zitao doesn’t howl and cry when watching a horror movie. He can’t bring himself to care about the blood spattered across the scene or the actors’ shrill screams. He knows that Sehun keeps eyeing him curiously throughout the whole movie. Zitao just shuts everything out because he doesn’t know anything anymore. He doesn’t want to anyway. He just wants to go back to that time when his mind and feelings aren't so chaotic. He will spend most of his time with Sehun and doing foolish things with the guy. There won’t be a complicated tangle that will come between them like this.

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun looks divine in his formal outfit that night. The tailored pants hug his well-shaped thighs nicely. Dark eyeliner, heavily lined around his dazzling eyes, only enhances the guy’s beauty. Zitao should feel lucky—he feels lucky—but something is off. The spark isn’t as strong as before.

 

“You look gorgeous,” Zitao compliments.

 

“You’re not so bad yourself, Mr. Huang.” Baekhyun bats his eye lashes.

 

When they arrive at the party, the hotel ballroom is already so crowded with his co-workers and their firm’s associates. He sees his Junmyeon on the far end—busily chatting with some foreigners. Zitao isn’t in the mood for a dance, and Baekhyun looks content just to sit beside him. They watch the couples who are dancing in front of them, sipping their champagne, hands tangling around each other.

 

Junmyeon approaches them after he finishes his conversation. His supervisor looks brighter than ever—it probably has something to do with their recent success in signing a billion worth contract.

 

“Huang Zitao—my favorite employee.” Junmyeon must have been so happy that night to admit that Zitao is his precious worker. “Wait, where is your boyfriend? That Oh Sehun kid?”

 

He senses that Baekhyun’s body stiffens and he hurriedly tries to correct the whole misunderstanding. “Sehun isn’t my boyfriend,” Zitao clarifies. He places a hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder. “This is my boyfriend, Byun Baekhyun.”

 

Junmyeon frowns. “Oh? But I thought—” Junmyeon clears his throat and offers a handshake to Baekhyun. “Forgive me, Mr. Byun. It’s just that Zitao often brings Sehun to the office so I just assume—”

 

“It’s okay, Mr. Kim.” Baekhyun smiles reassuringly.

 

They chit-chat some more, Baekhyun only speaks when he is given direct questions. Zitao is uneasy at Baekhyun’s sudden quietness. He wants to leave the party and make up with Baekhyun. But sadly, it won’t be good for him if he leaves the party so early, so he settles to just hold Baekhyun’s hand firmly.

 

“Talk to me,” Zitao desperately says to his boyfriend.

 

They have gotten back to Zitao’s apartment but Baekhyun is still not uttering any word. Zitao can't even get anything out of Baekhyun during the ride home except a hum and a short “No”.

 

“Am I not talking to you?” Baekhyun replies.

 

“Say that you’re not mad at me and that we’re fine.”

 

Baekhyun chuckles and cards his pretty fingers through Zitao’s raven hair. “Why would I get mad at you, silly?”

 

“Then why are you so quiet?” Zitao catches Baekhyun’s hand on his head and brings it to his chest. “I’m sorry about what happened at the party.”

 

Baekhyun stares at him solemnly. “You don’t have to, Taozi. It’s okay.”

 

“But it’s obviously not okay for you!” Zitao interjects. “Baek, Sehun and I—”

 

“I think I know what it is between Sehun and you, Zitao,” Baekhyun cuts him. “Probably even better than you do.”

 

“Baek—”

 

“Like I said before, you two have something wonderful.” Baekhyun plays with Zitao’s hand.

 

“But what we have is good too,” Zitao argues. He pulls Baekhyun to sit on his lap and starts to claim the smaller’s mouth. His movement is hurried—he knows Baekhyun has a hard time to catch up—he wants to pour his everything into the kiss. But suddenly an unwanted vision swims in his mind— _Sehun, his drunken confession, his smile_. Zitao is angry at himself— _how can he think about Sehun when he has Baekhyun within his arms?_ His kiss turns rougher.

 

“Zi—zitao!” Baekhyun tries to stop the kiss but Zitao keeps chasing his lips. Zitao attacks Baekhyun’s sensitive neck and begins to fumble with the elder’s zipper. “Wait, Zitao—”

 

“I have you.” Zitao wants to cry, his hand on Baekhyun’s pants is shaking. He nuzzles his face on the crook of Baekhyun’s neck.

 

Baekhyun slowly removes Zitao’s hand then places it on his waist and says, “You have me.”

 

“I don’t want Sehun. Not that way.”

 

“You know that’s a lie,” Baekhyun chides gently. “You always love Sehun.”

 

“Not that way,” Zitao protests weakly. “I love you.”

 

“Zitao, tell me.” Baekhyun cages his face in between his hands. “Are you sure that it’s me?” Baekhyun asks.

 

Zitao furrows his eyebrows, confused. “What do you mean?”

 

“The person that you’re looking for,” Baekhyun says, “are you sure that it’s me?”

 

 _No_ , a tiny voice in his head says. _It’s not Baekhyun_. But he’s also not sure whether it’s Sehun.

 

Baekhyun seems to understand his silence. He gets up from Zitao’s lap and sits on the coffee table in front of him. He smiles, but Zitao can see that his lips tremble slightly.

 

“Now I’m going to ask you something.” Baekhyun reaches out for him and Zitao immediately latches his hands with Baekhyun’s. “Are you going to throw away something so wonderful, _so magnificent_ , just to have something good with me?”

 

“But I’m happy with you.”

 

“You can be happier with him.” Baekhyun squeezes his hands lightly.

 

“He’s already with Jongin.”

 

“So? Everybody knows that he’s in love with you. It’s only you for him.”

 

“He said that he’s happy with Jongin.”

 

“You said that I make you happy but we both know that I’m not enough for you.” The blatant truth of Baekhyun’s words hurts him.

 

“I’m sorry, Baek,” Zitao murmurs.

 

“Don’t be sorry for anything,” Baekhyun says. “It’s been a wonderful four years with you. I don’t feel like losing anything.”

 

“Can I hug you?” He knows that it’s really insensitive of him, but he wants to hold Baekhyun for one last time.

 

Baekhyun nods. He knows that his boyfriend, his _ex-boyfriend_ , is breaking down slowly. Tears starting to roll down on the brunette’s cheek and his breath turns into choked gasps. Both of them stand up and mold their bodies in a tight hug. Baekhyun sobs against his chest.

 

They separate that night with a soft lingering kiss on the lips. A closure for their beautiful years together.

 

 

 

 

 

 

After the break up, Zitao avoids everyone who tries to reach him—be it his parents, his brother, Chanyeol, and Sehun. Nobody knows that his relationship with Baekhyun has ended and telling people about his break up isn’t his priority at the moment. The solitude helps him focus on himself. He rethinks about his feelings, his dreams, and his life in general. When he’s not contemplating, he drowns himself in his work. The week turns into the most productive one he's ever had.

 

Zitao is watching a sitcom rerun when his doorbell rings. He hesitates to welcome whoever is behind the door, but then decides against it. He swings the door open—revealing someone he thought about the most over the past week, Sehun.

 

“Hey, Hyung,” Sehun greets him anxiously. “Can I come in?”

 

He lets Sehun in. The guy puts his shoes neatly in the usual place before facing him.

 

“Why don’t you answer my calls?” Sehun asks.

 

Zitao shrugs. “I was busy.” He’s really busy—with himself.

 

Sehun _tsk_ -ed when he takes in the condition of his apartment. It’s dark inside because Zitao doesn’t turn on the lamps nor does he open the curtains. The remaining take-out food from last night still sits on the kitchen table.

 

“What the hell,” Zitao hears the younger mutter under his breath.

 

For the next hour, Zitao watches Sehun roam around his place, cleaning things here and there. The younger huffs when he finds a high pile of Zitao’s dirty laundry in the guy’s room, but without word haul the basket full of clothes to the washing machine. Sehun groans when he opens Zitao’s fridge to find boxes of preheated food. He always nags at Zitao to eat more healthy and fresh food.

 

Sehun shakes his head disbelievingly. “How can you live in this dumpster?”

 

“This is how a real bachelor lives,” Zitao retorts. He pats at an empty space on the couch. Sehun sighs and sits beside him. Zitao snorts when Sehun plants his head on his lap. He pets the blonde’s head lovingly. It feels like old times again.

 

“Are you okay?” Sehun murmurs sleepily after one full hour without speaking to each other. But the silence doesn’t feel like stretched, in fact, they welcome it.

 

“I suppose you’ve been talking to Baekhyun lately?”

 

“I did,” Sehun admits. “He told me about you.”

 

“I’m fine,” Zitao assures his best friend. “I’ve never felt lighter than how I feel right now.”

 

“That’s good.” Sehun then pouts, “Well, maybe if you feel light enough you can start washing the dishes and doing your laundry?”

 

Zitao chuckles and flicks the younger’s button nose. “Why would I do that if I have you?”

 

Realization dawns on him. Sehun is no longer his only. He is with Jongin right now, and Zitao already resolved to respect it.

 

But before he gets the chance to correct his mistake Sehun already says, “You have me. I might not be as good as Baekhyun-hyung but I can help prevent this place from turning into a slump.”

 

“You are you, okay? You don't need to compare yourself with Baekhyun,” Zitao counters. Then he adds, “But won’t Jongin mind? You can’t spend your time in here as much as you used to. You already have a boyfriend.”

 

“Jongin is fine,” Sehun breathes. “He will understand.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Zitao probably hasn’t made up his mind about his feelings for Sehun. He still can’t decide what he thinks about Sehun's current relationship. But now that he has Sehun back in his arms and also a clear and more open mind—he thinks it’s fine, it’s enough. He will figure it out.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

“I don’t think I can do this,” Sehun chants. “I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I can’t do this.”

 

“Oh Sehun!” Chanyeol snaps. “Stop pacing, okay, you're giving me a headache.”

 

“Hand Luhan over, please,” Sehun pleads. “I think I will calm down with him in my hands.”

 

Chanyeol hands over his two-year old son, Luhan, who’s excitedly making grabby motions at his Uncle Sehun. The younger nuzzles Little Luhan’s head, inhaling the scent of his baby shampoo. It soothes him. But only a bit. He still can’t handle the prospect of walking down the aisle, exchanging vows, and being someone’s husband. He can’t. He can’t do it. It’s better if he walks awa—

 

“Breathe, Sehun,” Chanyeol reminds him.

 

“Exactly how did you do it?” Sehun asks after taking a big gulp of air. “How did you make it to the altar? How did you make it to Yifan-hyung?”

 

Chanyeol smiles at him. “Just by thinking that it’s him who’s waiting for me at the end of the way.”

 

“I feel sick, Hyung.” Sehun sits down beside the elder; Luhan on his lap is playing with his cufflink. “I can hardly breathe and my chest is kind of hurting too.”

 

“But it’s a good kind of pain isn’t it?”

 

Sehun thinks it over. He touches his chest and feels how his heart is beating frantically under his hand. “It _is_ a good pain.”

 

“You love him, don’t you?” Chanyeol gives him a teasing smile, but the question is serious.

 

“I love him so much,” Sehun answers. “I feel like my heart is bursting.”

 

“Then you’re good to go.” Chanyeol pats his shoulder affectionately.

 

The door opens and the wedding planner peers at them. “Are you ready, Mr. Oh? The ceremony will start in three minutes.”

 

“Okay.” The anxiety is back, along with an overwhelming happiness. Finally, the day has come.

 

“Come on, Lulu, come to Papa.” Chanyeol holds out his arms. Luhan jumps into his dad’s awaiting embrace.

 

“Give Uncle a kiss, Lulu,” Sehun says. Luhan squeals and gives Sehun a peck full of drool. Both of the grown men chuckle at the child.

 

“I’m going first, okay?” Chanyeol pats his shoulder once more before going out.

 

Sehun tries to fix his appearance for the last time. Once he’s satisfied, he takes a deep breath and goes outside. The wedding planner hands him a beautiful flower bouquet then motions him to a tall door. He stares at the door in awe. His life is going to change when he enters the sacred room. He smiles while imagining the man who is waiting for him behind that door. The love of his life.

 

“I’m ready,” Sehun states, voice firm.

 

The door swings open and there he is, standing at the other end of the aisle. Sehun might not be so confident about getting to the altar safely in the waiting room. But seeing that beautiful smile of his soon-to-be husband, he has to control himself not to just sprint to the altar.

 

He knows that an embarrassingly wide grin is plastered on his face. But he’s so happy, _so fulfilled_ ; he doesn’t care anymore if he looks weird. He passes Jongin who grins at him—hands intertwine with Jongdae’s, the bartender in his favorite club. He laughs when he makes eye contact with Baekhyun and the brunette blows him a kiss. Then Yifan, Chanyeol, and Luhan who give him thumbs up in unison when he looks at them. His parents nod approvingly at him. Zitao’s mother touches his hand lightly when he walks close to her, her husband smiles from beside her. Everyone he loves is here, on his wedding day.

 

When he finally, _finally_ , gets to the altar he almost explodes in laughter because Zitao is gaping at him as if he has grown another head.

 

“What?” he asks.

 

“I’ve never realized that you’re so beautiful,” Zitao replies, jaw still slacks.

 

Sehun smacks his fiancée's arm. “Shut up!” He blushes.

 

“I’m only telling the truth.” Zitao shrugs, smiling. “I am so lucky.”

 

“You better cherish me for the rest of your life, okay?” Sehun threatens jokingly. But deep down, he really means what he said.

 

“I’ll cherish you forever,” Zitao whispers. “I’m so lucky that I manned up and decided to woo you.”

 

“I’ve been waiting for how long, fourteen years for that,” Sehun retorts.

 

“I’m sorry.” Zitao kisses the back of his hand.

 

They are both startled when the priest clears his throat—interrupting their hushed conversation. “Are you ready, Sons?”

 

Zitao straightens up and says, “I’m ready.” He turns to Sehun, waiting for the guy to say something.

 

“I’ve always been ready.”


End file.
